Those in our family and innermost circles have known, but today, we’re excited to announce to the rest of the world the official adoption of Everly Grace McMaster! We titled this post ‘Our Side of Everly’s Story’ because we believe everyone’s story is sacred and some parts are not our story to tell, and will be up to Everly to share herself if she chooses to do so when she is older. An adoptive parent posted once that adoption is equal parts of grief and joy…and we’ve found this to be true. It’s a messy, heart-wrenching, & emotional process but it’s so very beautiful. Some things are just too deep for words, but I will try my best to tell our side while holding space for Everly’s story as well as honoring her birth mom (who has proofread this & given us permission to post.)
Almost a year ago, we found out my sister was 8 months pregnant. Because of the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy & season of life she was in, she made the decision early on to place the child up for adoption. As her family, this was very difficult to accept knowing that there would be a piece of us living halfway across the country with strangers. As you can imagine, there were many intense discussions & texts. During this time, we were just praying that God’s will be done in it all. I also remember telling my friend flippantly that I’m going to pray that God would give her a dream about the right thing to do. That very night, my sister did! She dreamed that she gave the baby to us, yet she held fast to her decision to go through an agency. She just couldn’t imagine seeing her baby often, it would be too painful. And my heart absolutely broke for her, for the baby, for the whole damn situation. It wasn’t fair. What she’s been through and what she was going through. We just sat and cried….then felt the baby kick and get the hiccups from inside her….then we laughed…then we cried some more.
Around the same time, I had a dream that I was carrying the baby through a parted sea, praying over it. When I had crossed over to the other side of the parted sea, I handed the baby over to another couple I did not know. I woke from this dream with tears streaming down my face and I knew the Lord was calling me to surrender everything…”everything” also meant “everyone”…even this little one. My job was to walk alongside my sister in this incredibly difficult decision and dedicate this child to God, even if it meant she ended up far away.
My sister chose an agency, which after a bit more research and a little digging, just didn’t settle right with us. So we chose another agency and read through the bios of all the couples waiting to adopt. My sister chose a nice couple and they flew into town the night before her scheduled C-section. We went out to lunch and they really were nice and easy-going people. They showed us pictures of their home, extended family and nursery all set up for a new arrival. The next day, we arrived at the hospital early but because of Covid restrictions, my sister was allowed only one person to be with her during her stay. So I went in while my mom waited outside in the car for updates. They only allowed the potential parents into the surgery wing, so the couple went in with my sister to witness the birth. As soon as they wheeled her back, I couldn’t compose myself any longer and collapsed in the chair sobbing before the Lord. It was like a death had happened…but much deeper…much more painful it seemed, than anything I’d experienced. But He met me there in that empty hospital room. A quick text out to my praying friend, an emotional and spiritual SOS of sorts, and within moments the peace of God overwhelmed me and the words I’ve heard from Him before…they were true with my other two kids and they were true again in this moment – “My love for this child is so much bigger than yours is. They are mine. I got them.”
They wheeled my sister back into the room after surgery and she was pretty out of it due to the meds. But she came in and mumbled, “It’s a girl.” Up to that point, due to a previous ultrasound and the way she carried, everyone was expecting a boy. And I said, “A girl?!? Are you sure?” and the nurse said, “Yep, a girl, and she’s beautiful. The adoptive parents are spending some time with her right now and we’ll bring her in after a bit so you can see her.” About an hour later, they wheeled in the baby bassinet with the squishiest, cheekiest baby ever. The nurse handed her over to my sister who lovingly kissed her and spoke to her. We loved her instantly. Even though she was just an hour old, her eyes were wide open… those big, beautiful, curious eyes…they held such a big soul behind them.
After some long snuggles, the nurse took her back to the adoptive parents and I left to go work a 3 hour shift in the afternoon and went back to my house to shower and refresh before heading back up to the hospital. My cell rang and on the other end was my sister, crying. The only words I could make out was, “Something’s wrong with the baby and Turner’s syndrome.” I told her I would be right there and hung up. When I got there, a nurse met me in the hallway. While I heard my sister sobbing uncontrollably and hyperventilating, the nurse said, “Your sister really needs you. The adoptive parents left.” I said, “Like they went out to get something to eat or they needed some space?” It just didn’t compute with me. “No, they left and went back home. They didn’t want the baby.”
My heart pounded as I rushed into the room to see my sister on the edge of the bed hysterical and inconsolable, baby laying peacefully next to her bed asleep in the bassinet. Without a word or second thought, I went over, scooped up that squishy bundle and said, “She IS wanted and she is God’s and she is ours. Do you hear me, Rach?? She is supposed to stay with us. We’re her family. It’ll be hard but we’ll figure it out together.”
Come to find out, the reason the adoptive parents left was because she was born missing the fingertips of her two ring fingers, barely noticeable. We didn’t even notice it when we held her for the first time. The potential parents insisted that the doctor run tests for Turners Syndrome, a chromosome condition that actually has a fairly positive outlook and many who have it go on to live long, productive lives. Just so happened that when the doctor went to run the test through the only lab in the city that does the test, their computer system got hacked into and the lab was at a complete standstill, potentially for days. The adoptive parents said they didn’t want to wait around and bond with a baby they didn’t want because it had special needs they couldn’t cope with.
Now before you become unhinged reading this, (like I did when I first heard of it), I think it’s really important to mention a few things here:
1.) Adoptions are extremely expensive. It’s absurd and out of control, really. Especially when so many kids are in foster care. The agency my sister chose was one of the few in the nation that offered a ‘full money back guarantee’ if the match doesn’t work out. I’m sure they don’t word it that way on their shiny brochures, but essentially, that’s what it is. And many other agencies have a contingency written in that they can back out if there’s even the slightest birth defect. So they had an ‘out’…. and they chose to take it.
2.) I respect their decision and that they knew their own limitations. Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing. I know from being a parent of teens, that things almost never go as you expect it to, especially when it comes to children. But we all know from experience, that the introduction to parenthood comes with a load of naivety that isn’t recognized until years after the fact. I believe they thought something was wrong because she came out so swollen (like most babies do) and they were also expecting a boy. They both wrote my sister after the fact detailing their journey of infertility, loss through miscarriage as a result of Turner’s Syndrome and all the pain associated with that and how it still affects them today. So my heart really did go out to them and I still pray for them.
3.) BUT GOD! I don’t think I’ll ever fully comprehend God’s ways. I’ve had to do much inner work to come to a place of just embracing the mystery and just let Him do His thing. I don’t get it and sometimes I’m glad that I don’t.
Later, after things calmed down a bit, my sister and I began talking about what it would look like if we were to adopt the baby. I came home the next day to talk with my little family and it was the most heavy and the most serious discussion we’ve ever had together. We discussed pros and cons and what it would mean to have their introverted worlds turned upside down completely during this difficult year where Covid stole so much of their ‘normal’ away from them already. We talked about the reality of having a baby in the house and all the logistics. We also talked about what it would cost, a large amount of money that we didn’t have. Then we prayed. And we cried. And we begged God to show us what to do. And my 15 year old son looked up and said, “I think God is telling us to do this.” And then I looked over to my daughter and she’s nodding her head, “Yep, she’s family.” Then over to my logical husband who’s shrugging, “I guess we’ll have to see. There’s the money and she can still change her mind.” Unbeknownst to me, Matt was already doing a ton of legwork and research. A few hours later, I get a phone call from Matt saying that some generous friends have offered to pay for the adoption…in full!!
My family joined me at the hospital to chat with Rach outside. In that discussion, my sis asked us to adopt, and we accepted. That night, we were searching the internet for names since baby girl had not been named yet. My other children’s names started with an ‘A’ and ‘B’. After my youngest was born, I had 2 miscarriages which the Lord showed me in a dream years ago that I should name them, and that included following along the alphabet route with ‘C’ and ‘D’ names. So I was taken back when my sister suggested that her name had to start with an ‘E’ which would tie into my family and hers since her other daughter’s name began with an ‘E’ and all the women in my family had the middle name ‘Lee.’ So we settled together on the name “Everly Grace.” The next day, she came home with us.
In Nebraska, birth mom has 4 days after signing termination of parental rights to change her mind. She kept fluctuating and deeply wrestled with this decision and we wrestled alongside her. This is one of those areas too deep for words. I can’t even begin to describe the emotions and the intensity of it all. BUT GOD. It was only by His grace that we were able to take a step back and give the space that was needed. We saw the marks of God’s faithfulness & grace the entire time, but she was still asking for a sign if this was the right thing to do. An hour before the revocation period expired, my sister shows up at the door and says, “I’m here to pick up Everly.”
Our hearts sank.
Then she followed with, “I’m here to pick up Everly and tell her she has a new mommy and daddy” (referring to us) and we lost it. I think every emotion humanly possible came gushing out. Never before or since had I ever seen my husband fall to his knees and sob like he did. He had such great faith when my faith was waning. When I asked my sister what helped her make the final decision, she said she was getting in her car and when she got to her door, a cardinal was sitting right by the driver’s side door. We lost our father to cancer 9 years ago. A cardinal to her represented that his spirit is with her. Every so often, they would show up at just the right times to reminder that things would be ok. She said that she knew dad was saying that Everly was to be with us.
So here we are, 10 months later, adoption day. A little baby girl sat on our laps in a courtroom surrounded by family & friends as we vowed to love her always. This morning, I noticed a little red Cardinal fluttering around our back patio. As I called my husband over to look, 5 more flew together as a group from one tree over to the neighbor’s tree. A special reminder that God is good and His ways are beautiful.
